A morning filled with snot and self doubt
"May your eyes continue to see beautiful and significant things,
and your soul dance to good music."
Card Design by Cindy Nelson www.bonairdaydreams.com
By the end of the day, I've lost my way. I start out with grand dreams of what is possible in a single day. Rarely taking in how much time and energy I really have or what is truly important. Ok, I know, I'm a life coach...shouldn't I have this all figured out by now?
As Mary Oliver says, I'm this old and not yet half perfect? Seriously, how many times do I need to rethink this life? How can I live so I'm intentional, awake, happy, connected, present, productive? How can I be creative and live a life worth living? How can I live today so my tomorrows are sweet? Seriously, this morning I'm clueless- I'm lost.
Maybe it's the cold in my head. Snot does make brains foggy. Mine is foggy. Do I always feel this way, or is today special because my head is under pressure? I'm tired. Is this the cold? I wonder. Is this lack of energy and self-doubt terminal?
Ok, maybe it is the cold. And yet, I swear, I don't know everything. Ok, now I'm cracking myself up. But seriously, shouldn't I have this figured out? I'm over half done. Do I judge my cookies when they are only half done? Yes, I guess I do. If the dough tastes good, the cookie usually do too.
Maybe my brain isn't just full of snot and sinus pressure...maybe it's too full of trying. Maybe there are days when you have a cold, when life is a wee bit irksome, when you don't know. On these days, that it's best not fret ...at least until my head clears and my energy returns. This will happen right? Yes, I'm sure it will...
In the middle of a cold, or running up hill, or when you are tired at 10pm or while you are paddling as fast as you can...not to judge yourself. We are not good critics of our own soul. We tend to forget the soul part and get lost in the critic part.
The quote above is from a greeting card my mom picked up when were at a little shop in Port Gamble Washington. She mailed it to me this week. I'm mailing a copy back to her today. She says it reminds her of me. I think it reminds me of her. I guess I'm not so bad if my mom thinks of me this way...and I have a mom I think of this way. Even with a foggy brain and thick head I might be a normal human. A snotty human but a normal one.