• Denise Frakes

Last night I failed....and it felt horrible.......

Updated: Oct 26

I try, and yet I'm still imperfect. I'm an incomplete- unfinished being traveling life the best I can- watching butterflies, running into walls and falling into mud puddles. Life's journey comes with lumps and bumps. I learn, experiment, practice to be the best human I can....


And yet I am still imperfect. I fall down, fail and fumble. Last night in my weekly circle, as much as I want to do and say the right thing, to celebrate each other, cheer on the journey of creating homes. Last night...and probably more times than I care to admit, I go down worm holes, get lost in the details and lose site of what's the most important thing...to love. I jump to fixing instead of listening, loving, instead of asking questions.

These words helped, as does writing about it. Forgiving myself...for being me. Next time, I hope I show up present, with love, patient and with joy. I hope I don't jump to fix or wander down detail roads. I do hope this. I'll do my best and yet, I know at some point I'll most likely forget...and go back to being my normal imperfect human. You know normal human stuff that happens after we fall down, fail and fumble.


I moped. Moping isn't a bad thing, nor is flopping. It taught me how much I didn't want to feel like this and absolutely how I didn't want anyone in our circle to feel.


Being a coach is an interesting place. You are helping others be there best...along the way it's easy to lose site of the fact I'm still in process too. We are all growing and learning. Failure is usually more revealing than being victorious. If I can be humble, pause, turn around and face my murkey moments. If I'm wise enough to look deeply, feel uncomfortable and learn- I can grow. (this isn't easy-ususally don't with mud on my face)


After my pity party, but before I went to sleep. I went back to my nightly practice. I didn't want to, but knew from experience this was a pivot point. I needed to lean into my practice. I did my nightly breathing heart practice, wrote 4 things that were wonderful about yesterday. One of which was a painful, but powerful awareness of myself.


Then I pulled out one of my wabi-sabi books. Wabi-Sabi is a philosophy, a way of life. Imperfection; being fully present; finding beauty in everything-everyone-every moment; in being incomplete; unfinished; the rich art of simplicity. The practice of kindness, of love. One of my favorite books is by Beth Kempton- Author of Wabi Sabi, she a chapter on...reframing failure. Perfect! Thank you Beth and Wabi-Sabi.


From Beth's Wabi-Sabi's book- page 110- 112 The Japanese attitude to failure:


1. "We don't have to like failure to learn from it. Failure builds our resilience and helps us grow in other ways. And when we stop trying to be perfect, we might not even see the "failure" as a "failure" anymore."

2. "The feeling of failure won't last for ever. Nothing is permanent. Each day is an opportunity for a new beginning."

3. "Everything is changing. Perhaps this is a moment to pause, pivot, and pursue something else."


These words helped, as does writing about it. Forgiving myself...for being me. Next time, I hope I show up present, with love, patient and with joy. That I don't jump to fix or wander down detail roads. I do hope this. I'll do my best and yet, I know at some point I'll most likely forget...and go back to being my normal imperfect human.

Happy Travels my friend,

Denise


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